Cow Adventures

I was at the farm by myself this past weekend. I guess I mentioned that before, but it's important to note it again as I retell my cow adventures from Saturday.

Everything was going well. After lunch I decided to indulge in a nap. When I woke up, I wanted to start on a new apron I'd been planning in my head. I found my material, got the machine set up, and when I glanced out the window of the door, there was a cow looking it at me. Being able to see the cows in the pasture from my window is not unusual. This cow, however, was RIGHT outside the window. Not in the pasture, on the other side of my door. Pardon my language, but the first thing out of my mouth was, "Oh, shit."

There are 6 cows on the farm. Three of them are about 2 years old. Three of them are just a few months old. The guy outside my door was one of the big ones. His head is about as high as mine, he out-weighs me by, oh, about 500 pounds, and he has horns. Heather grew up on a dairy farm and has told stories of how dangerous the bulls/steers that they had occasionally could be. She says they can even "smell" (or sense, somehow) certain hormonal fluctuations in a girl. Yikes. Now I've got three of these beasts wandering around loose.

They were already moving along by the time I got my shoes on and came out the door. I had several advantages: #1, cows don't normally move very fast. I suppose they could, if they wanted to, but they mostly just mosey along, #2, they're not accustomed to close human contact for the most part and tend to shy away if you get too close, #3, these guys have been together their whole lives, so they had no inclination toward scattering, #4, I'd just watched the movie "Australia" about a cattle ranch!

I wanted something big I could wave around to help guide them in the right direction (and to make myself look bigger). I couldn't find a branch or anything like that, but there was a plastic kiddie bat laying in the grass! One of those bright fluorescent-colored ones that are about 3 times normal size so little kids can hit a ball easier, you know? So, I start talking to them, in my sternest voice, waving this bat around, banging it on a tree or the ground, etc. to get their attention.

Well, there's only one of me, and I didn't have the benefit of being on horseback, like Nicole Kidman and Hugh Jackman did. So, they kind of just looked at the crazy woman with the bat, and instead of walking across the yard along the shortest route back to the pasture gate, they went up the hill, toward the house, and the gardens, which are behind the house. As they meandered their way out to the gardens, I tried to circle around to the side of them (through the prickly raspberry bushes, of course) and get them back down the hill toward the pasture.

I wanted them to be leery of me, but not too frightened. I don't know if cows have a "fight or flight" instinct, but I knew I didn't want to push it, just in case. They did head down the hill to get away from me (crazy human with the orange bat, again), but they went past the pasture gate and into one of the lower gardens.

That's when I saw that the llamas were out, too! Mama Llama is even more shy around humans than the cows, so she scurried when she saw me coming. I didn't see where she went, but later I realized she went back to the safety of the pasture the same way they all got out. The other llama, Rocky, is such a mamma's boy that when she took off, so did he. The cows found some particularly tasty stuff in the lower garden, (new green beans, it turns out) and that gave me time to run to the barn and get the golf cart (my trusty steed!!). At least I could move faster, now. Still armed with my bat, I went up the hill and came back down behind them, again trying to get them toward the gate.

I was having some luck! They were almost to the pasture gate! But, to my chagrin, the gate was closed!!! How did they get out?!?! I looked toward the wood shed, and saw that the small gate in there was knocked down. The llamas were right inside where the gate had been, so I ran there first and put a board up across the opening.

The three big cows were still fairly close to the main pasture gate, so I calmly (yeah) made my way around them to open it. That startled them, and they took off again, back to the lower garden. I did my circle-around trick again, and stayed on the golf cart, kind of zig-zagging behind them. With the gate open, they had an escape, and trotted to the safety of the pasture!

Ok, I tell myself, three cows and 2 llamas secured. In all the running around, I hadn't seen any sign of the baby calves or the sheep. Before the baby calves were put into the pasture with the "big guys" they got loose once. Jason, Heather's friend found them a little ways up the road! Oh, jeez, I thought. How would I find them out there?!?! If I did find them, though, I had an idea to get them back. Milk.

Yay! All eight sheep still in the pasture!

A quick spin along the back fence of the farm netted me 3 baby calves! Yay! At least they weren't wandering around the valley! I didn't want to startle the babies with the golf cart, so after I got close I went on foot to tempt them with the milk in the familiar (I hoped) bucket. One of them was curious about what I had and came to investigate. I got back to the cart before he could get too much milk, just a teasing taste, and started off toward the pasture holding the bucket out for him. Sure enough, he remembered the good stuff that was in the bucket and followed like a champ...for a while. I don't know if he got bored with chasing this bucket that was always just out of reach, or if he forgot what he was doing, or just spotted something more tasty, but every 50 feet, or so, he'd stop, and I'd have to show him the milk again, or even give him a little taste. It took some time, but I eventually got him back in the pasture. It was the same with the next two, but at least I could get them to follow the bucket together!

All in all, it took me about an hour to get everyone rounded back up and secured in the pasture!